1
00:00:03,133 --> 00:00:05,234
Okay, Maya,
here's the key.

2
00:00:05,300 --> 00:00:07,801
Now, I'll be back Sunday
night, so you'll need to feed the turtle twice.

3
00:00:07,868 --> 00:00:10,033
Now remember,
place, don't drop, the food in the tank

4
00:00:10,100 --> 00:00:11,334
or you'll spook Shelly.

5
00:00:11,400 --> 00:00:12,567
I call him Shelly.

6
00:00:12,634 --> 00:00:14,367
The number to
the pet hospital is on the fridge...

7
00:00:14,434 --> 00:00:15,667
Maya, are you
listening to me?

8
00:00:15,734 --> 00:00:17,701
Yeah, yeah,
feed Smelly.

9
00:00:19,133 --> 00:00:20,434
What's going on?

10
00:00:20,501 --> 00:00:21,634
I'm pulling
a practical joke on Finch.

11
00:00:21,701 --> 00:00:23,300
Oh, really?

12
00:00:23,367 --> 00:00:25,267
Hey, have any of you
freaks seen my soda?

13
00:00:27,234 --> 00:00:28,767
Did you check
the fridge?

14
00:00:28,834 --> 00:00:31,133
I already looked
in the stupid fridge.

15
00:00:31,200 --> 00:00:33,100
In or on?

16
00:00:38,534 --> 00:00:40,701
You put my
soda on top of the refrigerator?

17
00:00:40,767 --> 00:00:45,534
(LAUGHING)
That was a classic. I wish I had a camera.

18
00:00:47,300 --> 00:00:50,400
That was the
most pathetic thing I've ever seen.

19
00:00:52,167 --> 00:00:53,868
Oh, I'm sorry.
No hard feelings.

20
00:00:53,934 --> 00:00:55,667
Here, have some
peanut brittle.

21
00:00:56,834 --> 00:00:58,968
I wonder what's
gonna happen.

22
00:01:00,634 --> 00:01:01,734
It's peanut brittle.

23
00:01:02,467 --> 00:01:04,100
I don't get it.

24
00:01:04,167 --> 00:01:06,467
Check the
expiration date.

25
00:01:27,234 --> 00:01:30,167
Elliott, your
turtle bites.

26
00:01:30,234 --> 00:01:31,701
Oh, yeah?
Well, you bite!

27
00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:35,100
No, I mean he bit me.

28
00:01:35,167 --> 00:01:37,734
Oh, yeah,
he does that.

29
00:01:37,801 --> 00:01:39,067
Good morning!

30
00:01:39,133 --> 00:01:40,334
"What's so
good about it?"

31
00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:42,467
(LAUGHS DERISIVELY)

32
00:01:42,534 --> 00:01:45,767
"Oh, Mondays, blah, blah."
Enough chit-chat, back to work.

33
00:01:47,634 --> 00:01:48,868
What's the matter,
Finch?

34
00:01:48,934 --> 00:01:51,601
Still reeling from
my soda prank?

35
00:01:51,667 --> 00:01:53,367
(CACKLING)

36
00:01:53,434 --> 00:01:54,934
Are you serious?

37
00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:56,801
That joke was lame.

38
00:01:56,868 --> 00:01:59,000
And for one
very simple reason. You're a girl.

39
00:02:01,567 --> 00:02:03,467
What does that
have to do with anything?

40
00:02:03,534 --> 00:02:05,200
Maya, don't take
this personally,

41
00:02:05,267 --> 00:02:07,834
but women are nurturers,
they're not jokers.

42
00:02:07,901 --> 00:02:12,033
Yeah, Helen Reddy's
famous song was not I Am Funny.

43
00:02:13,534 --> 00:02:15,734
Okay! People, we got
a lot of work today.

44
00:02:15,801 --> 00:02:17,334
Deadline's
been moved up,

45
00:02:17,400 --> 00:02:19,901
so here's what I need
from each of you by the end of the day.

46
00:02:19,968 --> 00:02:21,834
Maya. Dennis.

47
00:02:21,901 --> 00:02:22,934
Okay, you
got it, Jack.

48
00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:24,300
Any questions?

49
00:02:24,367 --> 00:02:26,734
Yeah, why can't you
kiss hookers?

50
00:02:37,334 --> 00:02:39,434
Hey, Elliott,
this came for you.

51
00:02:39,501 --> 00:02:42,367
(GROANING) Oh, no,
not this guy again.

52
00:02:42,434 --> 00:02:46,267
Why is it that
every idiot with a camera thinks he's a photographer?

53
00:02:46,334 --> 00:02:47,634
'Cause monkeys
can do it?

54
00:02:49,701 --> 00:02:51,133
Who sent you those?

55
00:02:51,200 --> 00:02:53,467
Dimitri, that weird
security guard they fired.

56
00:02:53,534 --> 00:02:55,167
He used to
bring me oranges.

57
00:02:56,300 --> 00:02:57,567
A landscape?

58
00:02:57,634 --> 00:02:59,634
That has an
Ansel Adams quality.

59
00:02:59,701 --> 00:03:03,434
(SIGHING) That's because
it's a picture of an Ansel Adams picture.

60
00:03:03,501 --> 00:03:06,067
That's what he does,
he takes pictures of pictures.

61
00:03:07,133 --> 00:03:08,767
Well, maybe he's
making a statement.

62
00:03:08,834 --> 00:03:11,334
Yeah! "I'm out
of medication"!

63
00:03:23,267 --> 00:03:24,934
(GROANING)
What a morning.

64
00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:26,968
My friend Binnie's
in the hospital.

65
00:03:27,033 --> 00:03:28,601
Seems she got vertigo
at the Guggenheim,

66
00:03:28,667 --> 00:03:31,234
toppled over a railing
and fell into a cappuccino cart.

67
00:03:31,300 --> 00:03:33,667
The crowd thought
it was performance art and burst into applause.

68
00:03:33,734 --> 00:03:36,701
She stumbled out of there
with a broken rib and a grant from the NEA.

69
00:03:39,033 --> 00:03:41,200
Nina, have a seat.

70
00:03:41,267 --> 00:03:44,701
I got a couple of questions
about plastic surgery.

71
00:03:44,767 --> 00:03:47,634
Oh! Thank God. Well,
good for you, Jack.

72
00:03:47,701 --> 00:03:50,534
You know, a lot of us
have been asking when you'd take the plunge.

73
00:03:52,167 --> 00:03:55,834
Let me guess. A facelift?
No, no, no, the ears, right?

74
00:03:55,901 --> 00:03:58,167
You know, it's about time
you clipped those mud flaps.

75
00:04:03,334 --> 00:04:06,734
Nina, I'm not getting
any plastic surgery.

76
00:04:06,801 --> 00:04:08,234
(NERVOUSLY)
How's that?

77
00:04:09,467 --> 00:04:11,767
I'm editing an article
on plastic surgery

78
00:04:11,834 --> 00:04:13,834
and I wanted to
double-check some facts.

79
00:04:13,901 --> 00:04:15,267
What's wrong with my ears?

80
00:04:15,334 --> 00:04:17,267
Oh, nothing, why?

81
00:04:17,334 --> 00:04:20,234
Well, you just suggested
that I clip my mud flaps.

82
00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:25,467
That's just an expression,
like, "Good day, matey. Clip those mud flaps

83
00:04:25,534 --> 00:04:27,567
"and I'll see you
on the flip-flop."

84
00:04:31,534 --> 00:04:32,567
What's with you?

85
00:04:32,634 --> 00:04:34,167
I poked the bear.

86
00:04:39,300 --> 00:04:43,467
Hey, Elliott,
you got a fax from creepy Dimitri.

87
00:04:43,534 --> 00:04:45,801
(GROANS) What is it
with this guy?

88
00:04:46,501 --> 00:04:48,567
Jeez.

89
00:04:48,634 --> 00:04:52,901
"Dear Elliott, haven't
heard from you but I got your psychic message.

90
00:04:52,968 --> 00:04:56,501
"I, too, hear the voice
of Mother's disapproval.

91
00:04:56,567 --> 00:05:01,000
"Let's meet. I want to
literally pick the brain of a live photographer."

92
00:05:02,567 --> 00:05:03,601
"Literally."

93
00:05:03,667 --> 00:05:05,033
Oh, my God!

94
00:05:05,100 --> 00:05:06,868
You don't think
this guy would get violent, do you?

95
00:05:06,934 --> 00:05:09,667
A recently fired
security guard with nothing left to lose?

96
00:05:09,734 --> 00:05:10,734
No!

97
00:05:15,534 --> 00:05:16,601
(WHISTLES)

98
00:05:18,534 --> 00:05:19,834
What are you
smiling about?

99
00:05:20,701 --> 00:05:22,634
I sent the fax.

100
00:05:22,701 --> 00:05:24,133
Really?

101
00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:25,801
Mmm-hmm. Yep.
What do you think of me now?

102
00:05:25,868 --> 00:05:29,033
Same as before.
Body ten, personality four.

103
00:05:31,534 --> 00:05:32,567
Four?

104
00:05:32,634 --> 00:05:34,567
Now you're a three.

105
00:05:34,634 --> 00:05:36,033
(MOCKINGLY) Ooh! Eight!

106
00:05:44,567 --> 00:05:46,400
Elliott DiMauro?

107
00:05:46,467 --> 00:05:47,834
Yeah?

108
00:05:47,901 --> 00:05:52,734
A snappy message
from your number one fan, Dimitri.

109
00:05:52,801 --> 00:05:56,133
* Why the hell
won't you call me? Do-dah, do-dah

110
00:05:56,200 --> 00:05:59,801
* I don't handle
anger well Oh, the do-dah day

111
00:05:59,868 --> 00:06:03,200
* Only you can stop
the voices in my head

112
00:06:03,267 --> 00:06:06,300
* Are you free
for dinner next week? I can make fondue

113
00:06:06,367 --> 00:06:07,534
Okay,
that's enough.

114
00:06:07,601 --> 00:06:09,634
No wait. I don't get
paid unless I've finished.

115
00:06:09,701 --> 00:06:13,400
* I shaved my head
to look like you Do-dah, do-dah

116
00:06:13,467 --> 00:06:17,000
* I made you a foil hat
Oh, the do-dah day *

117
00:06:20,734 --> 00:06:22,167
What do you think?

118
00:06:22,234 --> 00:06:24,133
You sent the telegram?

119
00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:26,067
That's cute.
Cute?

120
00:06:26,133 --> 00:06:27,934
That was pure evil.

121
00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:30,801
All right, I'll admit it.
You got him against the ropes.

122
00:06:30,868 --> 00:06:33,167
But this question is key.

123
00:06:33,234 --> 00:06:35,934
Can you hit him
where he lives? Really drive it home?

124
00:06:36,934 --> 00:06:38,767
Watch me.
Wash you?

125
00:06:38,834 --> 00:06:39,834
(GROANS)

126
00:06:44,701 --> 00:06:46,601
Nina.
Oh. Yes, handsome?

127
00:06:47,934 --> 00:06:50,534
I was thinking
about what you said,

128
00:06:50,601 --> 00:06:52,567
you know, about
plastic surgery.

129
00:06:52,634 --> 00:06:55,234
Oh, oh, forget
what I said, foxy, I was wrong.

130
00:06:55,300 --> 00:06:58,400
Plastic surgery is
for the weak, the phony, the superficial.

131
00:06:58,467 --> 00:07:00,267
I decided to get some.

132
00:07:00,334 --> 00:07:01,767
Is this fun for you?

133
00:07:03,868 --> 00:07:06,634
I just had lunch with Allie,
and you know what happened?

134
00:07:06,701 --> 00:07:10,567
The waiter thought
that I was her father. Can you imagine that?

135
00:07:10,634 --> 00:07:13,501
Well, that's a compliment.
Aren't you older than her father?

136
00:07:16,300 --> 00:07:19,567
That's not the point.
I don't feel old,

137
00:07:19,634 --> 00:07:22,701
but I took a long look
in the mirror,

138
00:07:22,767 --> 00:07:26,200
and, I don't know,
maybe I could use some sprucing up.

139
00:07:26,267 --> 00:07:29,300
Huh! Well, if there's
anything I can do, don't hesitate.

140
00:07:29,367 --> 00:07:32,734
Actually,
I could use the name of a good surgeon.

141
00:07:32,801 --> 00:07:35,801
Well, while I've never
had any work done, uh,

142
00:07:35,868 --> 00:07:39,267
I have heard
some good things about a Dr. Hendrie.

143
00:07:39,334 --> 00:07:40,467
You don't have
his number, do you?

144
00:07:40,534 --> 00:07:41,667
It's on
my speed dial.

145
00:07:45,701 --> 00:07:47,634
You guys are not
gonna believe this.

146
00:07:47,701 --> 00:07:50,534
Guess what crazy Dimitri
sent me this time.

147
00:07:50,601 --> 00:07:53,934
Oh, look how cute!
A picture of a turtle. You like turtles.

148
00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:56,133
That's not just any turtle.
That's my turtle.

149
00:07:56,200 --> 00:07:58,100
The psycho broke
into my apartment.

150
00:07:58,167 --> 00:07:59,901
(GASPS)

151
00:07:59,968 --> 00:08:02,133
That's terrible.
What are you going to do?

152
00:08:02,200 --> 00:08:05,634
Oh, come on, what more
can I do? I called the cops and they arrested the maniac.

153
00:08:05,701 --> 00:08:07,767
(LAUGHING)

154
00:08:07,834 --> 00:08:08,834
What?

155
00:08:08,901 --> 00:08:10,267
(CHUCKLING) Wow!

156
00:08:13,334 --> 00:08:15,334
That wasn't
supposed to happen.

157
00:08:15,400 --> 00:08:17,133
What's that
supposed to mean?

158
00:08:17,200 --> 00:08:18,300
It means,

159
00:08:18,367 --> 00:08:21,367
* Maya's gonna burn in hell
Do-dah, do-dah

160
00:08:21,434 --> 00:08:24,267
* Psycho's in a prison cell
Oh, the do-dah day *

161
00:08:33,067 --> 00:08:34,667
It was just supposed
to be a joke.

162
00:08:34,734 --> 00:08:36,534
(SNORTING)
"A joke."

163
00:08:36,601 --> 00:08:39,267
I sent an
innocent man to jail. How is that a joke?

164
00:08:39,334 --> 00:08:42,534
Well, nothing's funny if
you analyze it to death!

165
00:08:43,601 --> 00:08:44,667
You've got
to be kidding.

166
00:08:44,734 --> 00:08:45,868
What?

167
00:08:45,934 --> 00:08:48,567
Well, can't you
stop them?

168
00:08:48,634 --> 00:08:50,133
All right, we'll go
right down there.

169
00:08:51,467 --> 00:08:52,534
They're holding him.

170
00:08:52,601 --> 00:08:53,968
Why? He's not
a stalker.

171
00:08:54,033 --> 00:08:56,267
No, but he's
an illegal alien.

172
00:08:56,334 --> 00:08:59,067
They sent his case to the INS.
They're gonna deport him.

173
00:09:00,534 --> 00:09:02,367
I have to admit,
that is kind of funny.

174
00:09:10,801 --> 00:09:13,400
So you're thinking
about having some work done, huh?

175
00:09:13,467 --> 00:09:15,067
Yeah.
Nothing major.

176
00:09:15,133 --> 00:09:18,367
Well, let me assure you,
I can work miracles with that chin.

177
00:09:19,834 --> 00:09:22,534
What's wrong
with my chin? I like my chin.

178
00:09:22,601 --> 00:09:25,467
(STAMMERING) Oh, I'm
sorry. I just assumed...

179
00:09:26,100 --> 00:09:28,868
Anyway...

180
00:09:28,934 --> 00:09:30,801
Maybe you should
tell me what you were thinking of.

181
00:09:31,501 --> 00:09:32,634
An eye job.

182
00:09:32,701 --> 00:09:34,567
Okay, sure.

183
00:09:34,634 --> 00:09:37,167
I think with an eye job,
I can have you looking 65 again.

184
00:09:39,467 --> 00:09:40,834
I'm 61.

185
00:09:41,801 --> 00:09:43,968
I cannot
apologize enough.

186
00:09:46,334 --> 00:09:48,834
Wow, I didn't think
I looked that old.

187
00:09:48,901 --> 00:09:50,701
Look, Jack, we could...

188
00:09:50,767 --> 00:09:53,968
We could take this slowly,
a nip here and a tuck there,

189
00:09:54,033 --> 00:09:55,767
but before we do,

190
00:09:55,834 --> 00:09:58,601
why don't we think
about the lessons we learned in Vietnam?

191
00:10:00,300 --> 00:10:02,434
Excuse me?

192
00:10:02,501 --> 00:10:05,467
We tried a bunch
of piecemeal measures. What did we get?

193
00:10:05,534 --> 00:10:07,200
A lot of pain
and suffering.

194
00:10:07,267 --> 00:10:10,634
We still lost a war
we could've won by one massive act of aggression.

195
00:10:11,634 --> 00:10:13,267
LBJ!

196
00:10:15,400 --> 00:10:19,567
My advice to you is
to go all the way with this. Total commitment.

197
00:10:21,234 --> 00:10:23,467
(HESITANTLY)
I don't know. I... Jack,

198
00:10:23,534 --> 00:10:28,834
let me outline for you
just how cosmetic surgery can improve your life.

199
00:10:28,901 --> 00:10:32,234
How'd you like
to be surrounded by beautiful young women?

200
00:10:32,300 --> 00:10:35,167
I am, every day.
Supermodels.

201
00:10:35,234 --> 00:10:37,667
Well, sure, it's nice to
be surrounded by beauty,

202
00:10:37,734 --> 00:10:41,033
but how'd you like to
have one on your arm?

203
00:10:41,100 --> 00:10:43,834
Well, I'm married
to a beautiful woman half my age.

204
00:10:44,701 --> 00:10:46,033
Aha!

205
00:10:49,234 --> 00:10:53,534
How'd you like your boss
to stop treating you like an old fuddy-duddy?

206
00:10:53,601 --> 00:10:56,667
I am the boss.
I own the whole damn company.

207
00:10:56,734 --> 00:10:59,033
But do you have a boat?

208
00:11:05,434 --> 00:11:07,200
I don't know
what the hell I'm doing here.

209
00:11:07,267 --> 00:11:08,534
I don't need you.

210
00:11:08,601 --> 00:11:10,534
I really think
you should reconsider.

211
00:11:10,601 --> 00:11:12,767
Why? My life is perfect.

212
00:11:12,834 --> 00:11:15,000
I can only hope someday
when you're my age...

213
00:11:15,067 --> 00:11:16,701
I'm 72.

214
00:11:26,334 --> 00:11:30,567
Sir, we don't play
favorites at Immigration.

215
00:11:30,634 --> 00:11:33,801
Well, that's because
"those damn Canadians," as you call them,

216
00:11:33,868 --> 00:11:35,467
don't blow stuff up.

217
00:11:37,567 --> 00:11:41,801
(SPEAKING SPANISH)

218
00:11:44,367 --> 00:11:46,367
I'm sorry, I don't
speak Spanish.

219
00:11:46,434 --> 00:11:51,267
(INHALES) Hello, ma'am.
I'm Mr. Weiland. How may I help you?

220
00:11:51,334 --> 00:11:53,567
We're here
on behalf of someone you have in custody.

221
00:11:53,634 --> 00:11:54,667
Name?

222
00:11:54,734 --> 00:11:56,434
Dimitri
Shastapitabrostavich.

223
00:11:56,501 --> 00:11:58,300
Three S's?
At least.

224
00:12:00,200 --> 00:12:02,033
Yeah, we got him.

225
00:12:02,100 --> 00:12:03,734
See, there's been
a huge mistake. The guy is innocent.

226
00:12:03,801 --> 00:12:05,801
See, my friend here
pulled this horrible practical joke...

227
00:12:05,868 --> 00:12:07,300
Look, could you
just let him go?

228
00:12:07,367 --> 00:12:09,501
(CHUCKLING) Oh, yeah.
I have that kind of power.

229
00:12:09,567 --> 00:12:12,234
That's why I sit in
this little tiny office. No air, no view,

230
00:12:12,300 --> 00:12:13,601
(SNARKILY) but I control
the borders!

231
00:12:18,067 --> 00:12:19,801
Isn't there
something we can do?

232
00:12:19,868 --> 00:12:22,100
You could submit a
petition for his release.

233
00:12:22,167 --> 00:12:23,834
Great!
(MOCKINGLY) Super!

234
00:12:25,434 --> 00:12:26,434
Your full name?

235
00:12:26,501 --> 00:12:27,801
Maya Gallo.

236
00:12:27,868 --> 00:12:29,868
(TYPING)
"Maya Gallo." And your primary res...

237
00:12:29,934 --> 00:12:31,234
(CHUCKLING)
Oh, boy.

238
00:12:31,300 --> 00:12:33,100
What?

239
00:12:33,167 --> 00:12:37,067
Are you Maya Gallo,
the money launderer who's here illegally from Colombia?

240
00:12:37,133 --> 00:12:38,501
No!

241
00:12:38,567 --> 00:12:41,267
That sounded a little
too rehearsed.

242
00:12:41,334 --> 00:12:42,868
May I see some
identification?

243
00:12:42,934 --> 00:12:45,534
Sure!

244
00:12:45,601 --> 00:12:49,801
Oh, this is great.
I must have left my wallet at the office.

245
00:12:49,868 --> 00:12:52,534
Office or  oficina?

246
00:12:53,868 --> 00:12:56,400
Pete!

247
00:12:56,467 --> 00:12:58,868
Oh, come on, she works
two blocks from here.

248
00:12:58,934 --> 00:13:00,133
I'll be right back.
I promise.

249
00:13:00,200 --> 00:13:03,734
Look, missy, a promise
may hold water in Bogota,

250
00:13:03,801 --> 00:13:05,701
but the last time I checked,
this is America,

251
00:13:05,767 --> 00:13:07,868
where "football"
means football!

252
00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:11,434
Ankle clamp.

253
00:13:11,501 --> 00:13:12,567
What are you
doing?

254
00:13:12,634 --> 00:13:14,067
It's just a small
tracking device.

255
00:13:14,133 --> 00:13:16,367
A tracking device?
Oh, for God's sakes.

256
00:13:16,434 --> 00:13:19,868
You see? This is
a perfect example of bureaucracy run amuck.

257
00:13:19,934 --> 00:13:21,367
And your name is?

258
00:13:21,434 --> 00:13:23,234
Bob Johnson.
Nice to meet you.

259
00:13:27,400 --> 00:13:28,400
You wanted to
see me, Jack?

260
00:13:28,467 --> 00:13:31,634
Yeah, yeah.
Come on in.

261
00:13:31,701 --> 00:13:35,968
Well, I've been doing
a lot of thinking about that surgery.

262
00:13:36,033 --> 00:13:37,334
And?

263
00:13:38,200 --> 00:13:40,634
Let me tell you
a story.

264
00:13:40,701 --> 00:13:43,400
When I was a kid,
I played a little baseball.

265
00:13:43,467 --> 00:13:47,601
One year,
we finally make it to the playoffs

266
00:13:47,667 --> 00:13:51,634
so I decide to replace
my beat-up old mitt.

267
00:13:51,701 --> 00:13:55,467
I go out and buy
the best one I can find. Man, it was beautiful.

268
00:13:55,534 --> 00:13:58,267
I couldn't wait for the game.

269
00:13:58,334 --> 00:14:00,968
Big day comes,
sixth inning,

270
00:14:01,033 --> 00:14:04,801
guy hits
a hard line drive to me at short,

271
00:14:04,868 --> 00:14:08,467
and boom, right off
the side of my glove.

272
00:14:08,534 --> 00:14:11,334
Two runs score,
we lose the game.

273
00:14:12,901 --> 00:14:14,634
So, you see?

274
00:14:15,968 --> 00:14:17,167
No.

275
00:14:18,734 --> 00:14:21,934
Play with the glove
that got you there!

276
00:14:23,033 --> 00:14:24,167
Know what I mean?

277
00:14:24,834 --> 00:14:25,934
No.

278
00:14:28,567 --> 00:14:31,534
My face is
like my old mitt.

279
00:14:31,601 --> 00:14:34,400
I know, isn't that why
you went to Dr. Hendrie?

280
00:14:37,767 --> 00:14:40,834
I'm not having
any surgery, Nina.

281
00:14:40,901 --> 00:14:43,033
Oh! Well, that's
okay, Jack.

282
00:14:43,100 --> 00:14:45,067
You're rich, people
will still like you.

283
00:14:47,200 --> 00:14:48,501
Nina.
Yeah?

284
00:14:50,567 --> 00:14:55,367
Listen, I don't know
what this Dr. Hendrie says to you, but, uh,

285
00:14:55,434 --> 00:14:58,200
I'd like you to
know something.

286
00:14:58,267 --> 00:15:02,100
Sometimes, we're at a
meeting or somewhere, and I look at you,

287
00:15:03,100 --> 00:15:05,701
and you know
what I see?

288
00:15:05,767 --> 00:15:08,934
(SOFTLY) One of
the most beautiful women I have ever known.

289
00:15:10,234 --> 00:15:11,634
Jack.

290
00:15:11,701 --> 00:15:13,434
I just thought
you should know that.

291
00:15:13,501 --> 00:15:15,968
Stop it.
You're going to make me cry.

292
00:15:16,033 --> 00:15:17,601
That's okay, Nina,
let it out.

293
00:15:17,667 --> 00:15:19,234
(STIFLING TEARS) No,
you don't understand.

294
00:15:19,300 --> 00:15:22,200
After my last chemical peel,
it just burns like fire.

295
00:15:34,701 --> 00:15:35,868
What were
you thinking?

296
00:15:35,934 --> 00:15:37,634
I said
I was sorry.

297
00:15:37,701 --> 00:15:38,767
(SNORTS)

298
00:15:39,300 --> 00:15:40,567
Maya Gallo?

299
00:15:40,634 --> 00:15:42,567
Yes?
Rob!

300
00:15:42,634 --> 00:15:45,100
Rob Mandel.
From Stanford.

301
00:15:45,167 --> 00:15:47,167
Oh, hi, Rob.

302
00:15:47,234 --> 00:15:48,434
You don't
remember me.

303
00:15:49,234 --> 00:15:51,100
Oh! Of course!

304
00:15:51,167 --> 00:15:53,100
Rob!
(CHUCKLING) Yeah.

305
00:15:53,167 --> 00:15:55,434
God, you look...
You look great.

306
00:15:55,501 --> 00:15:57,667
Thank you. So do you.

307
00:15:57,734 --> 00:16:01,467
Listen, I didn't have
the guts to ask this back then, but, um,

308
00:16:01,534 --> 00:16:03,234
I don't know,
would you like to grab...

309
00:16:03,300 --> 00:16:06,100
(ALARM BEEPING)
Uh-oh.

310
00:16:06,167 --> 00:16:07,734
What the hell
is that?

311
00:16:07,801 --> 00:16:11,067
Um, I don't know.
Maybe it's the elevator.

312
00:16:11,133 --> 00:16:13,934
No, no,
it's coming from your ankle.

313
00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:16,200
Um, anyway,
you were saying?

314
00:16:16,267 --> 00:16:17,601
Are you some sort
of criminal?

315
00:16:17,667 --> 00:16:18,701
No!

316
00:16:18,767 --> 00:16:19,934
I don't want
any trouble.

317
00:16:20,734 --> 00:16:22,367
(LOUD BEEPING CONTINUES)

318
00:16:22,434 --> 00:16:25,334
MAYA: What's the matter,
sweet cheeks? You never lost your wallet?

319
00:16:26,801 --> 00:16:28,601
(BEEPING STOPS)

320
00:16:28,667 --> 00:16:31,734
Oh, sure.
Now it stops.

321
00:16:31,801 --> 00:16:33,234
You know,
I just don't get this whole thing.

322
00:16:33,300 --> 00:16:35,367
You never pull
practical jokes.

323
00:16:35,434 --> 00:16:38,133
I know I don't.
But when Finch said that women couldn't...

324
00:16:38,200 --> 00:16:39,501
Finch!

325
00:16:39,567 --> 00:16:41,000
I should have known
he was behind this.

326
00:16:41,067 --> 00:16:43,167
No, really, it was me.
No, no, no. Don't cover for him.

327
00:16:43,234 --> 00:16:45,200
He really crossed
the line this time.

328
00:16:45,267 --> 00:16:46,300
Finch!

329
00:16:48,868 --> 00:16:50,033
What's your
problem, Telly?

330
00:16:50,100 --> 00:16:52,167
You're my problem.
Oh!

331
00:16:52,234 --> 00:16:53,300
Elliott!

332
00:16:53,367 --> 00:16:55,367
ELLIOTT: Somebody
had to do it.

333
00:16:55,434 --> 00:16:56,834
Finch, are
you okay?

334
00:16:56,901 --> 00:16:58,567
Yeah. Something
cold, please.

335
00:16:58,634 --> 00:17:02,033
I'm sorry. I'm sorry!
I am so sorry!

336
00:17:04,701 --> 00:17:07,133
Who never fills
the ice trays?

337
00:17:09,968 --> 00:17:13,501
Okay, here,
tilt your head back. Here you go.

338
00:17:13,567 --> 00:17:17,133
(GROANING)
Oh, my God. What have I done?

339
00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:19,667
Oh, I don't know,
everything I wanted you to?

340
00:17:19,734 --> 00:17:21,534
(CHUCKLING
CONDESCENDINGLY) Huh?

341
00:17:21,601 --> 00:17:22,934
Elliott!

342
00:17:25,567 --> 00:17:26,601
How was I?

343
00:17:26,667 --> 00:17:28,334
Two thumbs up.
I laughed, I cried.

344
00:17:28,400 --> 00:17:29,734
(CHUCKLES
SELF-CONTENTEDLY)

345
00:17:29,801 --> 00:17:31,000
What?

346
00:17:31,067 --> 00:17:32,534
But Elliott was...

347
00:17:32,601 --> 00:17:34,100
And you were...

348
00:17:34,167 --> 00:17:35,434
What?

349
00:17:35,501 --> 00:17:37,701
Welcome to a real
practical joke, Maya.

350
00:17:37,767 --> 00:17:42,434
Layer upon layer.
Twist upon twist. Props. Blood capsules.

351
00:17:42,501 --> 00:17:45,000
(CHUCKLING) Oh, it's
quite a sordid production.

352
00:17:46,200 --> 00:17:48,300
But how?

353
00:17:48,367 --> 00:17:50,767
Well, you did most
of the work, really.

354
00:17:50,834 --> 00:17:54,634
All I had to do
was tell you that women couldn't pull practical jokes.

355
00:17:54,701 --> 00:17:59,067
Since I already knew
that you thought Dimitri the security guard was creepy,

356
00:17:59,133 --> 00:18:00,667
I had Elliott,
my accomplice,

357
00:18:00,734 --> 00:18:03,234
pretend that Dimitri
was harassing him

358
00:18:03,300 --> 00:18:04,901
with crazy photos
and letters.

359
00:18:04,968 --> 00:18:06,200
(CHUCKLES SNIDELY)

360
00:18:06,267 --> 00:18:08,934
And you fell
for the bait.

361
00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:13,033
But how did you
know that I'd order a singing telegram

362
00:18:13,100 --> 00:18:16,200
and break into
Elliott's apartment? Those were my ideas!

363
00:18:16,267 --> 00:18:17,400
Were they, Maya?

364
00:18:19,267 --> 00:18:24,801
After very cleverly
getting you to think of the singing telegram,

365
00:18:24,868 --> 00:18:30,067
I used some sleight of hand
to remind you that you still had Elliott's key.

366
00:18:30,133 --> 00:18:32,167
Then I used the
power of suggestion.

367
00:18:32,234 --> 00:18:33,501
But this question is

368
00:18:33,567 --> 00:18:34,701
(ECHOING) key.

369
00:18:34,767 --> 00:18:35,767
Can you hit him
where he

370
00:18:35,834 --> 00:18:37,000
(ECHOING) lives?

371
00:18:37,067 --> 00:18:38,167
Really drive it

372
00:18:38,234 --> 00:18:39,634
(ECHOING) home?

373
00:18:40,767 --> 00:18:42,167
Key.

374
00:18:42,234 --> 00:18:43,667
Where he lives.

375
00:18:44,501 --> 00:18:45,667
Home.

376
00:18:46,701 --> 00:18:47,801
(WHISPERING) Yes.

377
00:18:50,033 --> 00:18:55,033
Now are you curious
about Mr. Weiland, the INS agent?

378
00:18:55,100 --> 00:18:56,367
No.

379
00:18:56,434 --> 00:18:58,067
Kind of.

380
00:18:58,133 --> 00:19:02,334
Well, while you were
at Elliott's apartment taking pictures of his turtle,

381
00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:05,167
I called in a favor
from my cousin, the insurance agent.

382
00:19:05,234 --> 00:19:07,067
Then, after
you got back

383
00:19:07,133 --> 00:19:09,667
but before you
went to "INS,"

384
00:19:09,734 --> 00:19:11,667
I snagged all
your identification out of your purse.

385
00:19:11,734 --> 00:19:13,300
(GASPS)

386
00:19:13,367 --> 00:19:15,467
By the way,
I owe you 20 bucks.

387
00:19:15,534 --> 00:19:18,667
So then you ran off
to save Dimitri,

388
00:19:18,734 --> 00:19:21,400
Jack and Nina were gone,
so I took the liberty of entertaining

389
00:19:21,467 --> 00:19:24,601
some young,
lovely lingerie models that were waiting for Elliott.

390
00:19:24,667 --> 00:19:26,601
ELLIOTT: Wait.

391
00:19:26,667 --> 00:19:28,367
Why are you
telling us that?

392
00:19:28,434 --> 00:19:30,267
Dude, I'm telling
everybody that part.

393
00:19:31,400 --> 00:19:35,167
Okay, wait.
What's this?

394
00:19:35,234 --> 00:19:38,200
Uh, I don't know. I stole it
off some kid's bike.

395
00:19:38,267 --> 00:19:40,868
Oh, and about your hunky
former classmate?

396
00:19:40,934 --> 00:19:42,234
Yeah?

397
00:19:42,300 --> 00:19:44,000
An actor
from my building.

398
00:19:44,067 --> 00:19:45,734
So he wasn't going
to ask me out?

399
00:19:45,801 --> 00:19:47,801
(ELLIOTT CHUCKLING)
Oh, poor Maya.

400
00:19:47,868 --> 00:19:49,701
A man that good-looking
isn't straight.

401
00:19:49,767 --> 00:19:50,767
Martin!

402
00:19:55,234 --> 00:19:57,501
Good stuff.
That'll be all.

403
00:19:59,400 --> 00:20:01,667
Let's see,
is there anything I'm forgetting?

404
00:20:01,734 --> 00:20:04,067
Yeah, the most
important thing.

405
00:20:04,133 --> 00:20:05,300
Why?

406
00:20:07,534 --> 00:20:09,167
(RASPILY) Because
you hid my soda.

407
00:20:11,267 --> 00:20:13,400
All of this
because of a soda?

408
00:20:13,467 --> 00:20:15,067
Damn straight.

409
00:20:15,133 --> 00:20:16,868
That's why they
call me the king.

410
00:20:18,133 --> 00:20:20,567
Okay, everybody.
Let's see what you got.

411
00:20:20,634 --> 00:20:22,901
Oh, Dad. Um...

412
00:20:22,968 --> 00:20:26,701
Captions are
on page two.

413
00:20:26,767 --> 00:20:29,734
Perfect.
Here, I reconfigured the layout.

414
00:20:30,367 --> 00:20:32,634
Great. Dennis?

415
00:20:32,701 --> 00:20:34,701
Where are
the reports?

416
00:20:34,767 --> 00:20:37,000
Uh, I haven't actually
quite finished them yet.

417
00:20:37,067 --> 00:20:38,501
Well, give me
what you got.

418
00:20:38,567 --> 00:20:40,467
I haven't actually
quite started them yet.

419
00:20:41,767 --> 00:20:43,701
For God's sake,
what were you doing all day?

420
00:20:43,767 --> 00:20:46,267
I don't know, stuff.

421
00:20:46,334 --> 00:20:48,133
Well, I'll need them
first thing in the morning,

422
00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:49,934
so don't go
until they're done.

423
00:20:50,834 --> 00:20:53,200
Maya? Elliott?
Grab a drink?

424
00:20:53,267 --> 00:20:54,934
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Certainly.

425
00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:57,167
Whatever.
Go ahead and go!

426
00:20:57,234 --> 00:20:59,267
Have your fun,
but I still got you!

427
00:20:59,334 --> 00:21:00,667
I'm still the king!

428
00:21:03,868 --> 00:21:05,534
Where's my soda?

429
00:21:13,367 --> 00:21:17,834
* Life keeps bringing me
back to you

430
00:21:17,901 --> 00:21:21,467
* Keeps bringing me home

431
00:21:21,534 --> 00:21:24,701
* It don't matter
what I wanna do

432
00:21:24,767 --> 00:21:31,234
* 'Cause it's got
a mind of its own

433
00:21:31,300 --> 00:21:35,067
* Life keeps bringing me
back to you *

434
00:21:35,117 --> 00:21:39,667
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